It is really important to acknowledge for myself how much I have changed in the past year, it is easy to lose track of it as you get older. When I see this video I see how my year started in Congo, something I still look back on a lot. The entire experience changed me so much it is quite wild. I have never written about it but after after coming back from there i completely reoriented my life and priorities. I did this based on a new image of who I want to be, an image that was in line with the one i had before, but compounded in a much, much more personal (and in some sense radical) way. I hope also a more open way. In Congo, as well as shortly after coming back, I experienced a sense of humility that I have lost since then. The memory stays very close to me however. ‘ who I want to be’ . The person I want to become is truly vulnerable, is truly willing to take risks, a person that is not ignorant a person that cares about life and what perpetuates it. Art is just an instrument for this, life itself is really the project. Both internal and external. Art is such a fun field in which you can just experiment, cross boundaries, be generous and egotistical stupid and smart and I want to do all those things without losing track of what actually matters. In Congo I had to really take distance from the artist I thought I was and become just a person, a student and observer. This was one of the biggest gifts I have ever received. I don’t want to forget this, EVER.

I learned what it means to really believe in something, not in the self-centered way we often do it, but true belief. This changed how I approach love, being together and religiosity in a profound way. I learned about how reckless I have been and still am sometimes when it comes to excercising the power I posses trough the positions I was born into. I learned that actual awareness is not something you can gain, it slips away constantly and holding on to it is a constant practice.

I was talking to someone two days ago about how funny it is when you realise that in the end it really is just ‘all about love’. That that cliche really does hold one of the major keys to a meaningful life. This is something I fully grasped in my 22nd year of life, in 2024. I fully realised this in the summer, when i was spending time in Italy. The amount of love, friendship and beauty I experienced there made me feel like it would make my head burst. I am convinced something about the chemistry of my brain changed there. Also in Estonia a few weeks later, I got to know such amazing people and learned a lot. In the mixture of all these interactions I found a deep sense of fulfilment. This was the potential of life being realised. Not any sort of career or material gain.

Also in love, with S, I have learned so much. We started our year apart from each other and ended it very closely together. So much happened inbetween and we are really at a new point in our togetherness now. It gives much direction, challenge, comfort, and meaning to my life to be together with her. I am eternally grateful for her.

Despite everything written above It was definitely not the easiest or most positive year I have had, the lows were some of the lowest and the highs were some of the highest. This all combines into a deeply meaningful whole of an intense life being lived. Something I am grateful for.

I was really taken aback by the fact that new years was already there on the 31st. I dont know why. I am writing this five days later. New years night was really fun. I am so happy compared to one year ago. 1 january 2024 i felt some of the worst that I have in my life I think. Now I felt happy. We went to a dinner first, then we went to the firework show and after that to two different houseparties. I socialized with many people and will see some people I met again in the future.