Todays video is just what it is. Really strange and quite beautiful for me, maybe too strange ? Kind of sad but really optimistic aswell maybe? I dont know what the ending means. It is from the animation of ‘the giving tree’. The sound of the treestump is a simulated (fake) sound of a baby that does not get enough air. This is quite gruesome but it is a beautiful sound.

Today was the first day in which I was just at home and was able to feel like I could take care of things I wanted to do. I almost went to Brugge with Arthur and Monika. They were going to hang out there, eat in a restaurant and see a Schubert concert. The idea was enticing but I dont really have money for restaurants and when I told him this he said I should not worry about that. I really appreciate that. I declined nonetheless because I was actually looking forward to having a day for myself. I began by looking for houses in Rotterdam (didnt find shit) and composing my first instagram post in many many months. I shared some of the videos I made for this blog. I ate with my parents and we talked a bit afterwards. After this I read some more of the ‘we have never had sex’ essay I was reading before and went swimming. After I came home I worked on writing what happened in the past three weeks so I can post it here. My dad asked my why I do this and I honestly dont know. I have some ideas but where I find the motivation for this is a mystery for me.