The title explains a lot I think.

Today I found in myself a strange urge to consume information non stop. From waking up to basically now I have watched or listened to a ton of videos and podcasts mostly about history, politics, art,… All the while I was doing things like working in the garden, going to the store, making a gift for shino or even working on this particular video with something else playing in the background. I made a nice gift for shino. Im happy I got to it, before I was really not finding the will to do it. I guess there was a sense of insecurity about putting in effort for her and being scared to not receive any effort back. We had a call the day before yesterday and we talked a bit about that it is really improtant for me that we actively pay attention and spend time when we she is back. I was scared she would be to busy and I would feel alienated from her. I also talked about the last times we called and how I experienced it. The conversation we had was super nice and kind of made me have trust. Tomorrow she will arrive in the morning. I also went swimming really hard and i feel it in my body, so nice. I also got more responses to the email i sent out sunday. It is so touching what people share with me I am eternally grateful.