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I wonder how long I can keep up with reality. I consume so much and i feel my brain being supercharged. Like a machine that is not adjusted to the amount of voltage/amps? passing trough it. I have never been this hungry for social and emotional intimacy and I dont really know why. This leads me to conclude that I am very far removed from a sense of spiritual grounding, otherwise I would not feel this intense yearning. I don’t think I am that intensely at odds with myself? I feel fairly confident in who I am, my capabilities, the path my life is taking and the way I look. Why then this intese want ? Want for different aspects of life or broader perspective on what it can be? maybe. In a recent conversation somebody used ‘being part of a village’ as a social analogy. I realised I have not really ‘been part of a village’ for a long time, moving countries and social circles constantly makes for relations that are very singular, one-on-one. There are many like that, and i put in a lot of energy to maintain them. Spending all this energy takes its toll ofcourse. That is also what makes me kind of nervous to move to a new place again in a few weeks, after only having lived here for barely 5months. At one point I felt like I was really becoming part of a village here, because of personal and relation situations that feeling has -in some major ways- reversed now. That makes some of the relations I built here feel precarious, and like both potential and energy have gone lost. With the prospect of starting over again in a new place, a place I am really excited for, I feel myself pulling back from here and now. A mini hybernation in preparation for what is to come. It feels natural but also not the right thing to do. I dont like to admit it, but I do feel a bit alone here now. Not because I am actually alone, but maybe socially unfufilled is the better way to put it. Nonetheless i find the space to accept this. Things have been going the way they have to, without much sense, but with much reason. And I have seized on every opportunity to learn about myself, life and the people around me. I have grown a lot in the past months. And will continue to do so. I should just be in front of a screen less I suppose.