A lot of time has passed once again. Last time I wrote Leyre was still here. That already seems quite long ago. In the the time that has passed I spent 8 days in Jurgów, Poland. It was a very meaningful time. I was able to really rest for the first time in a long time. I was walking a lot, a also swam naked in the river when it was sunny, walked barefoot in the pouring rain, read a lot, did a whole movie day, made use of the sauna and also really worked a lot. Had some big realisations and read some very inpiring things. Like Leyres thesis but even more than that ‘the passion of G.H.’ by Clarice Lispector. A mindblowing book that has given me important insight into the essence of all things and how it is so intertwined with neutrality and nothingness. Very inadequate description. From the newsletter :

”Now in Poland
I am in Jurgów, in the south of poland. The day of traveling was rough, but it might be good to have a moment of transition in that way. When I woke up I saw huge mountains in the distance. I bought some food and started walking and soon encountered a beautiful river with ICE cold water. while wading trough it with my feet I felt like I almost fainted, cold water is very intense… It is the kind of river that flows through a lot of rocks and stones. I had really forgotten how much I love stones. It fascinates me so much, the endless variety of shapes, sizes, materials, density, sounds,… and some of them are so,so beautiful but then you hold it and just throw it away again because it’s heavy and there is a 1000 of them that are just as beautiful wherever you go. Stones are very particular in their beauty. It is a completely inward form of beauty that is not trying to do anything.  it is perfectly fine with staying where it is, or not. And even though they are so singular in their being, through their density and maturity, they are ultimately always just a literal fragment of something bigger. I spent hours jumping from rock to rock, picking up little ones I like and throwing them away again. I was switching back and forth from looking at rocks to looking at the clouds,  both equally stimulating for the imagination. They have a similar quality. Maybe in the sense that they are both conditions in relation to which beauty has developed on earth. But their own beauty is just…… what it is?  

Here in Poland, amongst the rocks and the river I feel like I can exist in heaviness, and that is a great relief. Today I started reading Clarice Lispectors ‘Passion of G. H.’ Leyres favourite book. She said it is one of those life changing ones. And I begin to suspect she was right. At least today, it aided me in discovering many different little doors and pathways into the heaviness I carried here.”