Many negative thoughts

This day was marked by being in my own head constantly, with a small exception around 16h. Shino and me went to a DJ Assault concert/set yesterday in Amsterdam. The set was legendary, DJ Assault is a very charismatic figure in his own way. We woke up very late and started the day with a few minutes of cuddling before having a small fight that left a bitter taste in my mouth. I was a bit angry about how she treated me and told her a bit later she should apoligize, and she did in a genuine way. But until now it sticks with me. Since coming back she has been really stressed because she made many commitments that she neglected while having fun in New York and pushing her return date further while she was there. It feels like I am one of these commitments and that I am on the bottom of the list of priorities that need attention. She wants me around, but it feels like she does not really want to spare more than a few minutes for me in a day. Last week my expectations were really high from her, which was not right on my part. Now I feel I checked myself a bit in this because it is no use to force things. But still it feels like she does not care out of herself. It feels like she cares about how I feel and that is why she frees the time she does to spend with me, but if i dont ‘force’ it it would not be of importance to her. I think Shino herself would really disagree with this, and I am writing after a whole day of spiralling into my own thoughts so take it with a grain of salt. Still, feelings are real and I will recognize them. This situation feels very very shitty. It is also just a matter that needs time, but if I am feeling bad constantly ofcourse tensions will only grow instead of smoothing out. Please do not think worse about shino because of this, she is also just trying her best.