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It was such a strange few days. Yesterday I went back to Brussels. There I went to WIELS again, to see a performance with Mark and a friend of his called Julia. She is making her first feature length film. Julia and me really did not like the performance, Mark did ofcourse (as i knew he would haha). We said goodbye to Julia and went to grab somtheing to eat. It was really bood food from ‘ROI DE GRILL’ around the corner from mark. we called Lennert and he showed up aswell a bit later. We just hung out in marks room after that and I told lennert I really want to learn how to massage, upon hearing this Mark offered me to practice on his shoulder since it was hurting. I massaged his back while lennert watched in the couch. It was nice. But I feel I am very inexperienced. After that we decided to take some shrooms (which I had originally taken bc we were planning to go to a sound healing thing but we lost track of time). We looked at all the drawings I had with me and tried to select 8 to frame. After doing this for a time we went out to a party. the weather was terrible but somehow it was really enjoyable (we were tripping). We arrived and danced at the latin party but less than an hour later we left again I think. After that we just walked aroudn for a really really long time. It was kind of wholesome, lennert is such a street cat. But it also felt lost and in myself I was feeling like I had to be alone and like I had some emotional blocks I have to sit with. In the end we split with lennert and walked back to marks house. He was feeling really sad all of a sudden and I felt very unwanted in his house & bed where I was sleeping. It had been such a strange evening / night with a lot of different energies. I did not manage to sleep for hours, mark neither. In the end we did a little bit. At 11h30 I woke up and got ready to go to antwerp for Lynns birthday. On the way there I called with Dille, which made me happy. Also being at Lynns place made me really happy, it was super cosy and really laid back with nice food. Tobias and Marianne were also there, later on Lynns boyfriend also joined. I was just really happy to be part of that afternoon. After the day before it was important to me. It was a while to go home. But I arrived and took my time to eat. I worked a bit and now I am in bed. I am feeling dissapointed that Shino never ever texts me anything except for practical stuff. It feels like she could just as well be in new york right now and i can not do anything but struggle to accept that she does not care (at least not showing any care). Demanding her care or bombarding her with mine works opposite. When we were on the phone a few weeks back and I was dissapointed and kind of angry to hear that she was extending her nyc stay again, she said that sometimes it seems like I don’t like to see her happy. I was angry about this because it is obviously not true. I will not finish what I was going to type. it is not necessary.