Sang by Emily Kaline, video edited by me. Original footage from Ghost in the Shell, which was shown to me by emily.

I think this is the longest time I have gone without posting since I started this blog. In general there is not much info about my life here in Rotterdam. At least not much compared to how much information i usually share. That is partly because my life is not so spectacular right now, but in a good way. A lot lot of things have happened since my last substantial blogpost. in a personal sense, in a career sense, and in love.

Yesterday I went to antwerp and back before going to work, I hung out with Kiara, Logan and Lynn. I enjoyed seeing them and being in Belgium so much and the sun was shining so beautifully. Logan bought a tanktop that says ‘sleep is sleep’ ‘awake is awake’, it was perfect for him. I talked with a gallery that would represent me in the discussions around a big ‘vocatio’ grant. Today I heard I was in a very close third place, the first two got 10k euros each. There will still be a next, final round in which I still stand a decent chance apparently. Very exciting news. Furthermore I was also accepted to go to Berlin on a four month residency in Berlin. I get paid and get a house. I will be there from may until end of august. This is also something that is so absurd and crazy. I really want to think about how I can be generous with the luck I am having. These (and also going to portugal )are things that are currently giving me a lot of satisfaction in the rythm of my life as it is. It does not need to be more, I don’t need to ‘deliver’ in some spectacular way. I just need to live and I can have faith that life will deliver back. Very beautiful indeed !!!!! In daily life i am doing a job working in an indonesian restaurant, serving and delivering food. I actually really enjoy the rythm. I work four days a week for 4 hours. I lack a bit every month to make enough but I still have some reserve from the past because I just barely spend money. But basically I dont really have to worry. My colleagues are really funny and the job is fun enough. I get a lot of food every day and I have been saving it up for a big housemate dinner that just happened. It was cosy and that makes me happy, they are also fun people. I do feel how hard it is to actually make friends without a structure to facilitate it (like school). Nonetheless I have met some people I would really consider friends by now, but I am not really part of a social cohesion. I don’t feel lonely tough, I also notice that X remains my best friend. She doesnt want me to use her name anymore so now its just X haha. The past two months have been really good for us. It is so nice, also the apartment we were having and had Emily was super nice and it has brought us really close together. Two weeks ago we left the apartment tough and now I have my own room and shino lives w her parents. It has been the first time in a loooong time I have had my own room and i really love it. Between X and me there is somewhat a fear for the future however. especially since I am leaving etc. We might go on a break, not from a negative place, but also as a way of bridging this time in our life with our eyes on the future.